So Clutch was awesome as all get out. I had a blast, and they played a good set. I’m going to go ahead and try to remember it, for anyone that cares. This will likely be out of order and incomplete, but this is what I can recall:

Profits of Doom
The Mob Goes Wild
Child of the City (I might be making some of these up)
Texan Book of the Dead
The Swollen Goat (did I just dream that?)
Burning Beard
8 x Over Miss October
The Devil and Me (this one too…memory fuzzy)
Mice and Gods
Big Fat Pig
Slow Hole To China
Electric Worry
One-eyed Dollar

Cypress Grove

*new song w/ Neil on Guitar

So yeah, that’s probably not accurate.

I love Clutch. My friends love Clutch. But my wife absolutely ADORES Clutch. They’re her favorite band, hands down. As such, it’s awesome to see her rocking out. She had a blast. The show went really late (12:30 is really late for me these days) but there was no way that she was leaving one nanosecond early.

I managed to see and hang out with everybody that I knew was going to the show: Ryan, Corey, Chad, Travis, and Nate were all easy to find. Also, for the first time in the history of anything ever, I was actually able to see the entire stage for the entire show at First Ave. Usually when I go to a show there, it’s like “Behemoths drink free night” or something, because everyone there is a freakish 7-foot yeti firmly planted directly in front of me. I propose a new rule for flat concert venues: If you’re 7 feet tall and you’re not somehow completely clear, get the f*** to the back of the room. OK thanks.

Anyway, it was a great show. The band was as tight as I’ve ever seen them, and the openers that I caught were good. Let’s talk about the openers for a bit. We missed the first one, but Corey said that they weren’t anything special. The second band to hit the stage was called Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, and I dug them. Their singer looked like a skinny Jesus, their bassist looked like a lumberjack dungeon master, and their guitarists looked like they came from opposite ends of the solar system. One was playing a hot-pink Jackson and the other a wood-colored Telecaster. To equate guitar style with genre, that’s like Hair Metal vs. Country. They played heavy rock and had a good sound to go with their weird look.

The next band was called Murder By Death. I probably would have liked them a lot more if they were opening for someone that wasn’t Clutch. Maybe Reverend Horton heat or something. (They have actually opened up for them in the past.) People were digging the music, though, and they were moshing, which is a) just stupid all the time and b) even stupider when the music sounds like Johnny Cash. The music actually sounded more like Johnny Cash being sung by Kermit the frog. My male friends were all gaga over the band’s nymphette cellist, but my wife (a violinist) spent most of her time trashing the girl. It was funny.

They were just a weird band to have in the lineup. It reminded me of a couple other weird lineups of days gone by:

1. Everclear
with Soul Coughing (hmm, ok…)
and Redman (ok WTF?)

2. Blink 182 (hey, stop making fun of me)
with Fenix TX (yep, that’s perfect)
and Silverchair (ok WTF?)
…at this show the guy from Silverchair actually got pelted in the head with a milkshake. I felt bad for him. He stormed off the stage in a huff. He was like 17 at the time, I suppose. I don’t know who is responsible for lineups like that, but yeah…nice going.

Fever Dreams

So last night was fun.  I went to bed at about 8:45 PM after a healthy dose of NyQuil.  I woke up again at about 3:00 AM, too nauseous to take another dose of medicine.  Then the fever dreams started.  I dreamed that the English language had stopped working.  I would try to say something, and all that would come out was garbled nonsense and dolphin-like clicking noises.  As silly as this sounds by day, I assure you that in the middle of the night it was more than a tad disturbing.  It wasn't just me that was emitting crazy noises.  The whole room was (according to my addled brain) filled with people, all of whom could no longer speak English.  It was a veritable chorus of dolphin clicks.

The dreams got really weird when all of the crazy words and clicks formed themselves into flowcharts.  I don't think I have the ability to adequately explain this, but it was really weird.

I called in sick to work today, and am hoping to rally for Clutch.  Besides all of the aches and whatnot, I actually am starting to feel pretty good right now, if only because I can finally breathe through both nostrils.

The Sickness

Being sick sucks. I have a fever, plugged nose, headache, sore throat, etc…and I’m at work. Why? Because my daughter was sick last week, and if I were to take a sick day I would get another “occurrence”, which is a heaping mound of dung that I don’t want to have to scrape off my shoe. (I honestly wonder how many fecal metaphors I could come up with that involve work. That’s a task for another day, though.) So here I am, plugging away at work.

Thankfully, I really don’t feel too bad. I’m perfectly able to stay at work and function well. Of course, I’ll end up infecting all of my coworkers, which is really just testament to why their system is stupid. Enjoy your cold, suckas! It’ll come for you soon enough.

I’m really hoping that my wife doesn’t come down with this. She’s got a more delicate constitution when it comes to being sick (no offense, honey…). I hope she drinks her OJ, because I don’t want her to miss CLUTCH tomorrow night. Actually, I don’t think that anything’s really gonna keep her away. She could break her leg and lose an arm and she’d still be there. She’s got a bit of a thing for Neil Fallon, I suspect. I’m trying to compensate by wearing a beard.

This weekend the wife and I are gettin’ the heck out of dodge and leaving the Gwenner in the care of my mother. It’s officially the start of my spring break on Saturday at approximately noon, so…w00t. We can’t really do the whole Cancun thing these days, so mini-vacations are the way to go. This is yet another reason that I hope that Kerry doesn’t get sick. Drink your OJ, honey. Vitamin C is good for you.

I’ve been enjoying my Trappist and Scottish 80/- ales very much. The Trappist tastes darn near exactly like it’s supposed to, which makes me exceedingly happy. The Scottish does too, from what I’ve read, but it’s interesting to say the least. There’s a kind of burnt taste involved with it that I didn’t like at first. Now I love it. It’s described as a “hint of peat” by some…uh…describers. Quite good, though.

I’m super excited to see all manner of friends at First Ave tomorrow night. A good time will be had. Until then, it’s back to poppin’ Ricola like mad and waiting for my Tylenol Sinus to kick in.

I'm dumb last entry was an effort at multi-tasking. I was in the midst of an IM conversation with the wife at the time. After reading the post again, I realized that I will most definitely NOT be skipping class on Wednesday, because I have a Midterm. The Clutch shirt-wearin' dude will also be in class, I'm sure. This is all fine and dandy, though, cuz I didn't wanna see the opening bands anyway.

Woohoo for CLUTCH!


Dang, the season is starting to drag me down something fierce. I'm sorry if I've already mentioned this, but if so, it needs a reprise. Because seriously...winter is getting old. I can't wait for summer. I'm thankful that I live in a state with such diverse seasons that are each beautiful in their own way, but winter is seriously the only one that I inevitably end up wishing would end. I know I'm not the only one. OK everyone, let's all go and buy a whole bunch of aerosol cans and spray 'em at the ozone layer. That oughtta help.

The one thing that winter is good for is skiing/snowboarding. I guess that's two things. Whatever. Reuben went recently, which makes me incredibly jealous. Oh well. If I had the option of going skiing once more or winter being over, I'd take the latter.

There's a duder sitting across the commons area of school from me who is wearing a Clutch T-shirt. I think he might be in my Tax class, too. I wonder if he's skipping next Wednesday to go to the show...I know I am. Woot.

Sigh. I must now head to class. Such is the way of the world. Even the winter would be more bearable without midterms and papers due, but every day that goes by is one closer to being done. Furthermore, I only have like a week until SPRING BREAK. I think I may go wild. You know, take off my shirt on camera and yell "wooooo!" and act like a dumb drunk chick.

Or not.

Ding 70!

Woot. I knew that it was a better idea to play WoW last night than to finish my stupid paper. I caught the carrot on the least until the next expansion.
It all turned out for the best, because I was home with a sick child today, and ended up finishing my paper while she took a nap. The fates aligned so that I could hit level 70.

Music and Stimulants

Motivation for the Sleazy album is on the wane. I think that the problem that I’m starting to have is that even though it’s all done lyrically, I just have so much more going on that I either need to or want to accomplish. I mean, I’m only a couple bubbles from level 70, for cryin’ out loud! ;) No, seriously, I have midterms starting and a paper due. I think I could squeeze in time to record some stuff, but there’s really no motivation since there’s no prizes or anything for the completion of an album. Maybe what I’ll do is just record everything and not send it in. That way I can still involve myself in a CD release party. If one happens. W00t.

In other music news, I listened to Jabberwocky: Live yesterday, because I’m a conceited self lover. It was super fun, and spurred thoughts that turned into words that turned into emails and whatnot, and anyway, be prepared for something in the summer -- something like a long overdue Jabberwocky show. It will happen…we just don’t know when or where. Hopefully it will be somewhere and somewhen that involves a whole ton of people, rather than an empty room. We’ll see.

Now I’m in a musical mindset. I think that it was mentioned sometime on the jabberboard, but one of the most awesome things that I could possibly think of happening would be a huge music party get-together. Imagine if you will: The vast majority of my friends are musicians, and all are very creative. I want to get all of us in a room together, with instruments and a recording device. That’s just a recipe for excellence, in my humble opinion.

So it’s currently afternoon, and I just brewed some coffee for the entire building. Unlike the situation in my previous post where there was no coffee due to workplace savages that refuse to brew for the rest of us, the reasoning behind the lack of coffee this afternoon is that no one but me drinks coffee in the afternoon. I literally just brewed an entire pot of coffee so that I can have one cup. This will have the unfortunate result of me feeling guilty about the prospect of wasting coffee. To avoid this, I already know that I’m going to end up drinking

Or at the very least, as much of it as I can.


The Corporate World

Sometimes working in the corporate world is mind boggling. Seriously. The “[Place where I work] Environmental Awareness Committee” sent every Minneapolis employee (and believe me that’s a lot of people) a flyer about a talk on global warming. A paper flyer. I want to fold it up and mail it back to that committee with a note that says, “OK seriously, how many trees did you kill to make these?” I hereby give them their new slogan: Environmental awareness through environmental destruction.

On the subject of work, I also always have to laugh at a situation that arises whenever there are donuts, bagels, cookies, or any other sort of treat in the break room. This might be a “Minnesota Nice” thing rather than a phenomenon that takes place in all places of business, but when there are treats, no one wants to take the last one. Instead, people will cut the last donut in half, and leave half of it there. Yippee, so there’s ½ a donut for someone. No lie, I’ve even seen ¼ donut up there. Someone had cut it in half, and then someone else didn’t want to take the last half donut, so they cut the half in half. People, come on! I say that if you’re the one who takes the last donut, more power to ya. You won, fair and square. I don’t want a half of a donut. I want all or nothing. So please, if you are a participant in nonsense of this nature, make it end. Thank you for your time.

My thoughts are completely different when it comes to coffee, though. Coffee is free at my work, which is one of the most awesome things in the universe. There is a TON of coffee up in the break room, and a hot water line. To start a pot brewing takes no more than a minute and a half of someone’s time. Yet the number of times that I’ve gone up to discover both carafes empty is beyond my count. This has come close to fits of rage. Or, at the very least, whining and stomping. Maybe a gnashing of teeth, too.

Ladies and gentlemen, lock up your daughters and run for your life, because another Sleazy Oral B song drops today. Welcome to The Fineline.


I think there should be an Emo Beatles cover band called “In My Hour of Darkness”. I’d laugh at them, because they’d suck. Ahh, kids these days. I know that people my age made fun of me when I was their age. I had big huge floppy pants and a lack of respect for authority. Know what, thought? I did my crying in private. Mostly.

I’m listening to Metallica today, because it’s funny. I’m nostalgic. The Black Album is playing at the moment, and I’m laughing at the fact that in 1991, when I was desperately trying to learn how to play all of these songs on guitar, I would have laughed heartily at the idea of recording a rap album. Of course, I would have laughed heartily at the idea of being 31 years old, too. Then I probably would have sulked for a while because my level 10 Thief died.

Speaking of the rap album, it’s going well. I recorded a version of the classic Jabberwocky number “Whiskey”. Yes, Critical McCritical, it’s slower than Jabberwocky played it. I feel justified with this tempo, because I wrote the song. ;) So Sleazy does it slower. Sleazy’s laid back. (OK so Sleazy’s really just too lazy to change the tempo once he starts something.) Other songs are progressing as well. I’ve got more lyrics for more songs, and Rhyno is going to help me with some more awesomeness, which will add to the overall “this rules” effect. Either way, I think that it will get done. Either 35 minutes or 10 songs…one way or the other.

It’s Valiumtimes tomorrow! Spank someone you love. I know I will.

Back to the grind

Well, I'm back at work today after a long weekend. It turns out that my daughter wasn’t sick after all. She had thrown up, yeah, but it was probably because of something funky that she ate. She was perfectly awesome all day yesterday, and cute as can be.

So while she and I were hanging out, I popped in Star Wars Episode One. She learned how to say “Jar-Jar”, and now I feel unclean. Oh well. She also surprised me by picking up a little hot wheels car and making “VROOM!” noises. No idea where she picked that one up, but it was ADORABLE.

We had a fun weekend, despite the cold. (-40 wind chill!) On Saturday the three of us went up to Champlin and visited the Nashes. We got to meet the twins, and they were tiny and adorable. I can’t believe that Gwen was once that little. Heck, I can’t believe that their oldest boy is as big as he is, because it really wasn’t very long ago at all that he was a super-teeny baby. Time goes WAY TOO FAST, but so far it keeps getting better. I may reassess that view if I break a hip or something.

Sunday, the really cold day, we went up to my Grandparents’ house for my Grandpa’s 88th birthday. It was a great time. The first part of the festivities involved coffee and cake in the church basement. (How Lutheran is that? Classic.) They live in a very small community with a well-attended church, and the basement was PACKED. Everyone sang happy birthday to my Grandpa, who is kind of a big deal up in those parts. He’s an amazing guy, and we’re blessed to have him.

We went to my Grandparents’ house for a huge dinner afterwards, with the majority of my family on my mom’s side. All of her brothers were there, with their spouses and most of their kids and kids’ spouses. It’s always so wonderful to get the family together. My Dad said Grace for all of us (funny that they make their only son-in-law say Grace), and he said something to the effect of, “We thank you for Ray, who we’re celebrating today. He’s the founder of the family, and without him none of this would be possible.” Looking around at all of the faces there (ranging in age from 88 years down to 15 months) and knowing that those words were totally true made it a very touching moment.

Day Off

So I took a vacation day today. The initial plan was that I was going to take our car in to the shop because of a weird clunking noise that it makes when turning or going over bumps. I took the whole day off, because I have a need for some relaxation time as well. Kerry is going to be off this afternoon, and we were going to go out for a nice lunch at the olive garden.

...Then the Gwenner got sick.

She's not acting sick, and she doesn't have a fever, but she puked last night. Due to my cursed honesty, she can't go to daycare. So, daddy and daughter are at home, and my day of relaxation turned to a day of exactly the opposite, and one where I'm burning a vacation day rather than a sick day.


Don't get me wrong. I like hanging out with my daughter, very much. Today, though, I wanted to hang out with a book and a wife, in that order. Phooey.

Perhaps more later.

Your Band Sucks.

Last night while I waited for class to start, I had to listen to two morons behind me talking about their crappy bands. I have no idea whether their bands are, in actuality, crappy or not. However, it’s a pretty good assumption, based off of three facts:
1. Their musical career is obviously stellar, since they’re pursuing a career in law (that was sarcasm)
2. Their fan base must be huge, since they were sitting in class trying to get each other to come out to each other’s show (more sarcasm)
3. The guy mentioned the White Stripes as an influence.
Sorry to any White Stripes fans out there, but seriously folks, they’re dumb. Therefore, so were the two people behind me. Hey reader, stop trying to poke holes in my logic. I know I’m right.

Speaking of law students that mistakenly think they’re good at music, I wrote a song this weekend that will probably be my direct ticket to hell. It’s called 2thpaste, and it’s crammed with as much innuendo as is possible to cram into (hehe) a song about oral hygiene. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. The rest of the album is coming along nicely as well. I’ve got tons of lyrics, most of which are dumb. I just need time to record ‘em.

Wow, I really thought I had more to talk about this week. Um…I guess I don’t. Tune in again soon. Heh.


OK folks, this song isn't done yet, but it's just about there. There's a bridge (you'll know it when you hear it) that has lyrics that I haven't recorded yet, and I'm probably gonna throw some guitar in there or something. But whatever.

Without further ado, off of the new album "2TH", I give you

My Song Sucks, by Sleazy Oral B.

Disjointed Ramblings

Wooohoo, no ring for Randy Moss! OK seriously, I wasn’t rooting for either team to win until I saw Randy Moss’ stupid little “parting the sea” gesture after getting a touchdown. From that point I wanted him to lose.

That sort of thinking brings me back to sessions of Magic: The Gathering with all of my nerdcore cronies from high school (almost all of whom I still hang out with, nigh on 15 years later). We would have big games of 4+ players, and the sessions would get pretty heated, as only collectible card games can get. (This paragraph has already secured my seat in nerd Valhalla. It will only get worse from here.) Whenever someone would beat Lundo, he would stop caring about winning the next game. His purpose for existence in the next round would only be to wipe out the person that had beaten him. Wonderful times.

Just talking about it makes me want to get together and play some D&D. Gentle readers, let’s plan something. We can do this! D&D or Risk or Axis and Allies or Shadowrun or Magic or Hero Quest or COME ON TRAVIS I KNOW YOU’RE FEELIN’ THIS!!! ;) .

I started my Sleazy Oral B album, and I have a song basically recorded. I haven’t done the bridge yet, but I think I’ll post what I’ve got so far this evening, just as sort of a teaser. Hah. I’ve also made the (quite probably poor) decision to use nothing but stock Garage Band loops for all of the music and beats. Does that mean I have to pay royalties to Apple on all of the millions and millions of dollaz that this record is going to make? I thought I read somewhere that GB loops were all public domain or something. No idea, and I don’t feel like researching.

I went super crazy with Virtual Console this weekend, and downloaded Super Mario 3, StarTropics, Beyond Oasis, and Street Fighter 2. Playing those games is awesome, but it’s had an interesting nostalgia side effect. It brought me back to B3ns0n at age 14, and started making me really sad and tense about going back. In all honesty, there were times back then that I was more than a bit of an asshole. I hope that the people of my once and future community realize that I was a kid then. Sorry for that odd bit of solemnity.