The Corporate World

Sometimes working in the corporate world is mind boggling. Seriously. The “[Place where I work] Environmental Awareness Committee” sent every Minneapolis employee (and believe me that’s a lot of people) a flyer about a talk on global warming. A paper flyer. I want to fold it up and mail it back to that committee with a note that says, “OK seriously, how many trees did you kill to make these?” I hereby give them their new slogan: Environmental awareness through environmental destruction.

On the subject of work, I also always have to laugh at a situation that arises whenever there are donuts, bagels, cookies, or any other sort of treat in the break room. This might be a “Minnesota Nice” thing rather than a phenomenon that takes place in all places of business, but when there are treats, no one wants to take the last one. Instead, people will cut the last donut in half, and leave half of it there. Yippee, so there’s ½ a donut for someone. No lie, I’ve even seen ¼ donut up there. Someone had cut it in half, and then someone else didn’t want to take the last half donut, so they cut the half in half. People, come on! I say that if you’re the one who takes the last donut, more power to ya. You won, fair and square. I don’t want a half of a donut. I want all or nothing. So please, if you are a participant in nonsense of this nature, make it end. Thank you for your time.

My thoughts are completely different when it comes to coffee, though. Coffee is free at my work, which is one of the most awesome things in the universe. There is a TON of coffee up in the break room, and a hot water line. To start a pot brewing takes no more than a minute and a half of someone’s time. Yet the number of times that I’ve gone up to discover both carafes empty is beyond my count. This has come close to fits of rage. Or, at the very least, whining and stomping. Maybe a gnashing of teeth, too.

Ladies and gentlemen, lock up your daughters and run for your life, because another Sleazy Oral B song drops today. Welcome to The Fineline.