Poop, Punctuation, and Prodigious Paraphrasing

I was playing World of Warcraft last night, talking with my friends over voice chat. I have never tried to give the impression that I'm not a first class geek. I am a geek to my core. So there I was, playing WoW and talking to Lundo and Amy, his wife. As they so often do, our conversation turned to talk of feces. Human waste, specifically, and the...um...eccentricities of said solid material. OK so we were talking about strange occurrences like a liquid > solid > liquid phenomenon, and abnormally large...um...produce, as well. Needless to say, Amy was less than impressed with the conversation, but even she was forced to laugh. Why? It's simple: Poop is funny. So are farts, which are undeniably related to poop. There's just no getting around it. That's some good humor right there.

I'm wearing jeans at work today, because it's a management-proclaimed "Jean's Day" [sic]. I was sorely tempted to write an article entitled "Our friend, the apostrophe!" and post it on my work intranet. SERIOUSLY people. I realize that my English degree might give me some high and mighty notions of my own supreme command over the language, but come ON! The proper use of an apostrophe should be taught in grade school.

(I know that this blog is going to come back to haunt me...I'm criticizing the misuse of an apostrophe while at the same time quite probably making several grammatical or spelling errors of my own. Nonetheless, onward I trudge.)

A lesson: DON'T USE AN APOSTROPHE WHEN ADDING AN "S" TO PLURALIZE SOMETHING. There is no such thing as a "pair of jean's", nor is there a "pair of pant's", or even "panty's". No no no no. These things are (for whatever reason) plural. Jeans. Pants. Panties. (Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Seems kinda backwards-ish.) I'm not going to get long-winded here. My objective in this blog is not to teach. It is simply to criticize. I am merely pointing out another in the long list of reasons that members of management are stupid.

...And don't (see that? Contractions are an acceptable use!) give me any crap about how the person could have just been typing fast or something. That doesn't fly. His announcement could be edited easily. OK, I swear I'm done now. On to other things. (or "thing's, if you're a dunderhead.) ;^)

On the Jabberboard, there's an ongoing collection of cover songs done by members of the forum. Each round has its own restrictions, set by whomever is chosen by the creator of the previous round. In the most recent round, T-rav ruled that each song had to be based off of a book or a film. I slaughtered the eardrums of my fellow jabberrawkers with my painful rendition of this monstrosity: