Happy New Year's Eve Day! So Kerry and I planned this little get together tonight, and there are so many little details bouncing around in my head that my head hurts. I'm a complete paranoid, as is obvious from the evidence. I have the ability of making myself completely sick over things that I worry about. Seriously, I'm surprised that I don't have an ulcer. Oh well, I make up for it with strange dizzy spells.
Anyway, we planned this hotel get together. Let's go through the list of worries. You can stop reading now, seriously. The purpose of me typing each of these out is to see in print just how silly each individual worry is.
1) I didn't invite everyone I should have.
This is bothering me. I based my invitations not only on who my friends are, but also on people that would likely be interested in attending. This is a low-key deal, also. I really don't know why I'm so upset about this one, I invited people that I typically hang out with on NYE. No one else even talked to me about it (or any NYE plans, for that matter) after the fact, so I should really just stop worrying about that.
2) It will get out of hand.
I'm scared that this get-together will somehow magically deteriorate into a college kegger or something. I know that this thought is ridiculous. Everyone's an adult now, and no one is going to throw a TV out a window or urinate on a sofa. No one will be passed out on my floor. Jeez, Ben, it will be OK. It's NYE for God's sake. It's OK to be a little louder than normal.
3) Important details will not come together
An example of this is the sandwich platter that was ordered yesterday. Jimmy John's was supposed to call us yesterday for payment, but never did. This isn't the big deal I'm making it into. We'll call this morning, and it will all get straightened out. If not, then it won't be a problem anyway, because everyone is bringing snacks. Ugh. Again, not a big deal.
4) I'm leaving my girl alone with my parents
OK this one has many layers. First off, it's our first night away from Gwen. Yikes. However, my parents are extremely competent, Gwen knows them very well and is perfectly comfortable with them, and she's not sick or anything. However, there are other details about the house that are freaking me out. This calls for a tangent! A couple of days ago we started smelling a kind of dry, dusty smell when the furnace was running. Of course, we called the furnace people and they sent a tech out. He looked at it, and there's nothing wrong with it. No carbon monoxide or leaking gas or anything that will kill us. There's dust or sediment or something in the vents, and there's not a darn thing we can do about it. However, I know my parents, and I know that they're going to smell this smell and automatically assume that they're dying of black lung. OK, my mom will. My dad will take it all in stride. So that's one fear about this evening. The other is their fear and hatred of cats, and the fact that we have two of them and they're the two most evil cats in this city, if not the entire state. Back to reality -- I must remove myself from these paranoid delusions. My parents will be perfectly capable of conquering these items, after some slight explanation. Oh, that and locking the cats downstairs for the evening. There! Crisis averted.
I'm sure that there's other things nagging at me, but I can't think of them at the moment. Heck, I feel better already. Dear friends and family, I'm sorry that I worry so much and that my worries touch on all of you. It doesn't stop my knowledge that you're all the best people on this entire planet. Love you all, and happy New Year!
Supplemental: The stupidity continues.
Perhaps I should say, "The stupidity continue's", because seriously...gah. I got an email from yet a different manager that read as follows:
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Subject: Pizza's
There are 5 partial pizza's left over in the lunch room.
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HELP ME, I AM IN PUNCTUATION HELL.
Thanks, and have a great day. ;^)
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Subject: Pizza's
There are 5 partial pizza's left over in the lunch room.
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HELP ME, I AM IN PUNCTUATION HELL.
Thanks, and have a great day. ;^)
Poop, Punctuation, and Prodigious Paraphrasing
I was playing World of Warcraft last night, talking with my friends over voice chat. I have never tried to give the impression that I'm not a first class geek. I am a geek to my core. So there I was, playing WoW and talking to Lundo and Amy, his wife. As they so often do, our conversation turned to talk of feces. Human waste, specifically, and the...um...eccentricities of said solid material. OK so we were talking about strange occurrences like a liquid > solid > liquid phenomenon, and abnormally large...um...produce, as well. Needless to say, Amy was less than impressed with the conversation, but even she was forced to laugh. Why? It's simple: Poop is funny. So are farts, which are undeniably related to poop. There's just no getting around it. That's some good humor right there.
I'm wearing jeans at work today, because it's a management-proclaimed "Jean's Day" [sic]. I was sorely tempted to write an article entitled "Our friend, the apostrophe!" and post it on my work intranet. SERIOUSLY people. I realize that my English degree might give me some high and mighty notions of my own supreme command over the language, but come ON! The proper use of an apostrophe should be taught in grade school.
(I know that this blog is going to come back to haunt me...I'm criticizing the misuse of an apostrophe while at the same time quite probably making several grammatical or spelling errors of my own. Nonetheless, onward I trudge.)
A lesson: DON'T USE AN APOSTROPHE WHEN ADDING AN "S" TO PLURALIZE SOMETHING. There is no such thing as a "pair of jean's", nor is there a "pair of pant's", or even "panty's". No no no no. These things are (for whatever reason) plural. Jeans. Pants. Panties. (Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Seems kinda backwards-ish.) I'm not going to get long-winded here. My objective in this blog is not to teach. It is simply to criticize. I am merely pointing out another in the long list of reasons that members of management are stupid.
...And don't (see that? Contractions are an acceptable use!) give me any crap about how the person could have just been typing fast or something. That doesn't fly. His announcement could be edited easily. OK, I swear I'm done now. On to other things. (or "thing's, if you're a dunderhead.) ;^)
On the Jabberboard, there's an ongoing collection of cover songs done by members of the forum. Each round has its own restrictions, set by whomever is chosen by the creator of the previous round. In the most recent round, T-rav ruled that each song had to be based off of a book or a film. I slaughtered the eardrums of my fellow jabberrawkers with my painful rendition of this monstrosity:
I'm wearing jeans at work today, because it's a management-proclaimed "Jean's Day" [sic]. I was sorely tempted to write an article entitled "Our friend, the apostrophe!" and post it on my work intranet. SERIOUSLY people. I realize that my English degree might give me some high and mighty notions of my own supreme command over the language, but come ON! The proper use of an apostrophe should be taught in grade school.
(I know that this blog is going to come back to haunt me...I'm criticizing the misuse of an apostrophe while at the same time quite probably making several grammatical or spelling errors of my own. Nonetheless, onward I trudge.)
A lesson: DON'T USE AN APOSTROPHE WHEN ADDING AN "S" TO PLURALIZE SOMETHING. There is no such thing as a "pair of jean's", nor is there a "pair of pant's", or even "panty's". No no no no. These things are (for whatever reason) plural. Jeans. Pants. Panties. (Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Seems kinda backwards-ish.) I'm not going to get long-winded here. My objective in this blog is not to teach. It is simply to criticize. I am merely pointing out another in the long list of reasons that members of management are stupid.
...And don't (see that? Contractions are an acceptable use!) give me any crap about how the person could have just been typing fast or something. That doesn't fly. His announcement could be edited easily. OK, I swear I'm done now. On to other things. (or "thing's, if you're a dunderhead.) ;^)
On the Jabberboard, there's an ongoing collection of cover songs done by members of the forum. Each round has its own restrictions, set by whomever is chosen by the creator of the previous round. In the most recent round, T-rav ruled that each song had to be based off of a book or a film. I slaughtered the eardrums of my fellow jabberrawkers with my painful rendition of this monstrosity:
Captain's Log, Supplemental: Turducken
I totally forgot to mention that on Christmas Day, my grandmother totally made turducken. It was actually sent to her by one of her neices. Like, she was sent a frozen turducken. Gimme a W! Gimme a T! Gimme an F! What's that spell? WTF!?!?!
Kerry and I left before the turducken was done. Apparently these things take like an entire day to roast. I would have eaten some just to say I had, but Kerry's aversion to all things poultry would have prevented her from getting within several feet of the Voltron-like beast.
Didn't stop me from taking a picture of it, though! Next year, Osturduckencorphail! (A quail, stuffed into a cornish game hen, stuffed into a chicken, stuffed into a duck, into a turkey, into an ostrich. It can be yet another reason to hate the ostrich.)
Well that's done...
The MRI wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I have had one before, but not since I was about 13 or 14. Anyway, I think the thing that I had been fearing most about it was the IV. I have a thing against needles. However, yesterday I had an IV in one arm and a blood draw from the other, so I have freaking track marks on my arms like some junkie. Whoopee!
Interesting advances in medical technology have led to the option of piped-in music during an MRI. This is funny for a couple of reasons. First off, the volume of the music isn't high at all. However, for anyone that's had one, is a doctor, or has seen an episode of House or Scrubs or something, you know that an MRI machine is not a low-volume thingamajig. It's loud. It goes something like WHRRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK. However, there are pauses in the whirring and clacking, which allowed my selection of 90s alternative music to filter to my ears. The result was something like WHRRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK Euro trash girl!!!! She's my Euro trash girl! WHRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK Head like a hole! Black as your soul! I'd rather die! Than give you conWHRRRRRRRRCLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK. Thankfully the whole MRI process was over shortly after they started playing Creed. Being trapped in a tube and forced to listen to Creed is pretty much my vision of hell.
Here are some fun things to do if ever you're stuck in an MRI tube:
1. Pretend you're Spock's body in Star Trek 2, being launched onto the Genesis planet.
2. Try to develop x-ray vision and see through the plastic directly in front of you
3. Count WHRRRs and CLACKs
4. Whenever any medical staff member asks how you're doing, reply in song.
5. Practice long division in your head.
Yeah, ok, so it's boring. Anyway, that was my lovely afternoon yesterday. Apparently everything is OK...they said that they'd tell me if there was anything critical. I assume that means egg-sized brain tumors, and no one has called me yet. So that's cool, anyway.
I'm excited to play some WoW with Lundo this evening. That's my random thought for the afternoon.
So New Years Eve plans have taken shape and form, and Kerry and I are staying at a hotel with a bunch of friends, and it's going to freaking rock. My parents are watching the Gwenner that night (they say that she gets to stay up as late as she wants! I predict...7:00 PM) and we've got a suite, so there will be much revelry and the playing of video games. Life is good. The hotel actually has an Irish pub in it, which is completely cool. Also, the fact that none of us will have to drive that night is SUPER awesome to the billionth power. Even if you're stone cold sober on NYE (like me, last year) driving is terrible, because everyone else is like 200% more likely to be wasted. It's a huge bonus not to have to drive.
That's all I've got for now.
Interesting advances in medical technology have led to the option of piped-in music during an MRI. This is funny for a couple of reasons. First off, the volume of the music isn't high at all. However, for anyone that's had one, is a doctor, or has seen an episode of House or Scrubs or something, you know that an MRI machine is not a low-volume thingamajig. It's loud. It goes something like WHRRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK. However, there are pauses in the whirring and clacking, which allowed my selection of 90s alternative music to filter to my ears. The result was something like WHRRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK Euro trash girl!!!! She's my Euro trash girl! WHRRRRRR CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK Head like a hole! Black as your soul! I'd rather die! Than give you conWHRRRRRRRRCLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK. Thankfully the whole MRI process was over shortly after they started playing Creed. Being trapped in a tube and forced to listen to Creed is pretty much my vision of hell.
Here are some fun things to do if ever you're stuck in an MRI tube:
1. Pretend you're Spock's body in Star Trek 2, being launched onto the Genesis planet.
2. Try to develop x-ray vision and see through the plastic directly in front of you
3. Count WHRRRs and CLACKs
4. Whenever any medical staff member asks how you're doing, reply in song.
5. Practice long division in your head.
Yeah, ok, so it's boring. Anyway, that was my lovely afternoon yesterday. Apparently everything is OK...they said that they'd tell me if there was anything critical. I assume that means egg-sized brain tumors, and no one has called me yet. So that's cool, anyway.
I'm excited to play some WoW with Lundo this evening. That's my random thought for the afternoon.
So New Years Eve plans have taken shape and form, and Kerry and I are staying at a hotel with a bunch of friends, and it's going to freaking rock. My parents are watching the Gwenner that night (they say that she gets to stay up as late as she wants! I predict...7:00 PM) and we've got a suite, so there will be much revelry and the playing of video games. Life is good. The hotel actually has an Irish pub in it, which is completely cool. Also, the fact that none of us will have to drive that night is SUPER awesome to the billionth power. Even if you're stone cold sober on NYE (like me, last year) driving is terrible, because everyone else is like 200% more likely to be wasted. It's a huge bonus not to have to drive.
That's all I've got for now.
Tis the Season
Good gourd, that was a lot of snowy driving. I understand that I live here in Minnesota and some harrowing driving experiences are to be expected, but it sure seemed like old man winter was out to get us over the course of this weekend.
Kerry and I strapped lil' Gwenner into her car seat on Saturday morning and headed up to Bemidji. It was snowing like crazy when we left, and once we hit Highway 94 headed in a nor'westerly direction, it took roughly a second and a half before we saw the first car in the ditch. There were several more after that. The weather let up for a while about halfway through the journey, but the roads got nasty again before we arrived. So, a 3 1/2 hour trip took about 5 hours. Sucky. Oh well, it wasn't as bad as my brother-in-law's trek from Duluth to Bemidji on Saturday night. Duluth had received about 10 inches of snow that evening. I feel for him.
We headed south again on Monday (Christmas Eve), this time to my grandparents' place near Taylors Fall, MN. Once again, it was snowing and the roads were yucky. The biggest problem on Monday wasn't the snow, though. The snow was relatively light. The biggest driving problem on Monday was the entire city of Cambridge, MN, whose stoplight system was obviously designed by some complete moron. Seriously, it's not that big a town, yet it took us at least 1/2 hour to get through. Someone seriously needs to do something about that. Um yeah, I'm too lazy to write to anyone, though. Heh.
Our driving woes weren't over, though. We left my G-parents' place on Tuesday toward home, which is usually only a 45 minute drive. Yeah, it took us an hour and a half, because of snow (again!?!) and moron drivers who manage to completely forget how to drive in the snow over the course of a relatively short Minnesota summer. Seriously, people. Teach your idiot brains how to retain the ability to drive in snow. I'm not gonna describe the technique here, because I pray that anyone reading this knows that it's not usually necessary to drive 10 MPH, and it's even less necessary to attempt to drive 300 MPH in your tiny lil' rear-wheel-drive sports car.
Christmas itself (aside from the driving) was wonderful. It's so fun to see my little girl's eyes light up when she sees a lighted Christmas tree or hears people singing a carol. Of course, she doesn't really understand the concept of the season yet, but she loved it all the same. We taught her to say, "Ho Ho Ho!", which provided hours of hilarity. My dad provided an overdose of cuteness this weekend when he read "The Night Before Christmas" to Gwen and her cousin Charlotte, along with the youngest of my cousins, ages 7, 5, and 1 (or so)
I'm kind of freaked out today because I have to go in for an MRI. I've been having these dizzy spells lately, and although I'm positive that it's due to stress or an inner-ear infection or something, we've got to rule out all of the less pleasant possibilities. Like, I suppose, brain tumors or something. Thus the MRI. I also (lucky me!) get to subject myself to an EKG (in case it's something heart-related) and a blood test (in case it's vampirism or lycanthropy, two very distinct possibilities knowing the circles I run in.)
Other than that, I don't have much to report at this time. I thank everyone that got me awesome stuff this Christmas (especially my lovely wife, who knows me better than anyone in the universe...thanks, babe!!!). Happy holidays to everyone.
Kerry and I strapped lil' Gwenner into her car seat on Saturday morning and headed up to Bemidji. It was snowing like crazy when we left, and once we hit Highway 94 headed in a nor'westerly direction, it took roughly a second and a half before we saw the first car in the ditch. There were several more after that. The weather let up for a while about halfway through the journey, but the roads got nasty again before we arrived. So, a 3 1/2 hour trip took about 5 hours. Sucky. Oh well, it wasn't as bad as my brother-in-law's trek from Duluth to Bemidji on Saturday night. Duluth had received about 10 inches of snow that evening. I feel for him.
We headed south again on Monday (Christmas Eve), this time to my grandparents' place near Taylors Fall, MN. Once again, it was snowing and the roads were yucky. The biggest problem on Monday wasn't the snow, though. The snow was relatively light. The biggest driving problem on Monday was the entire city of Cambridge, MN, whose stoplight system was obviously designed by some complete moron. Seriously, it's not that big a town, yet it took us at least 1/2 hour to get through. Someone seriously needs to do something about that. Um yeah, I'm too lazy to write to anyone, though. Heh.
Our driving woes weren't over, though. We left my G-parents' place on Tuesday toward home, which is usually only a 45 minute drive. Yeah, it took us an hour and a half, because of snow (again!?!) and moron drivers who manage to completely forget how to drive in the snow over the course of a relatively short Minnesota summer. Seriously, people. Teach your idiot brains how to retain the ability to drive in snow. I'm not gonna describe the technique here, because I pray that anyone reading this knows that it's not usually necessary to drive 10 MPH, and it's even less necessary to attempt to drive 300 MPH in your tiny lil' rear-wheel-drive sports car.
Christmas itself (aside from the driving) was wonderful. It's so fun to see my little girl's eyes light up when she sees a lighted Christmas tree or hears people singing a carol. Of course, she doesn't really understand the concept of the season yet, but she loved it all the same. We taught her to say, "Ho Ho Ho!", which provided hours of hilarity. My dad provided an overdose of cuteness this weekend when he read "The Night Before Christmas" to Gwen and her cousin Charlotte, along with the youngest of my cousins, ages 7, 5, and 1 (or so)
I'm kind of freaked out today because I have to go in for an MRI. I've been having these dizzy spells lately, and although I'm positive that it's due to stress or an inner-ear infection or something, we've got to rule out all of the less pleasant possibilities. Like, I suppose, brain tumors or something. Thus the MRI. I also (lucky me!) get to subject myself to an EKG (in case it's something heart-related) and a blood test (in case it's vampirism or lycanthropy, two very distinct possibilities knowing the circles I run in.)
Other than that, I don't have much to report at this time. I thank everyone that got me awesome stuff this Christmas (especially my lovely wife, who knows me better than anyone in the universe...thanks, babe!!!). Happy holidays to everyone.
Free Coffee / Christmas Music
I just took a sip of my morning coffee and it's about the same temperature as...well...the room. I guess you'd call that room temperature. It's gross, but I'm drinking it anyway, because it's free. I love the fact that I get free coffee at work. However, this morning's masterful blend of lukewarm delight is most likely from sometime last night, and it's been sitting out in a carafe all night cooling down. That's the problem with free coffee. You get what you pay for. Know what? I'm drinking it anyway. I'd put my mug in the microwave, but my mug is metal. \m/>_<\m/
Ahh, work. I'm sure that it's the same situation at workplaces all over the world, but there just isn't a lot to do on the last day before the Christmas holiday. We're closed Monday as well as Tuesday, so today is that day. The piped-in music here has been set to Christmas music for the last month or so. Now, Christmas music doesn't bother me all that much, but the crap that's force fed to us here is really really terrible. Also, there are no less than five versions of "Little Drummer Boy" that play (along with a couple other oft-repeated songs). This means that you hear that song at least five times a day.
One thing that holiday weeks like this are good for is Office Supply Art. T-Rav made a pretty awesome Pipe Cleaner Octopus over at his work, and after seeing a picture of it I knew that I had to quickly find some sort of defense against a monstrosity of that nature. Behold, for I have summoned CTHULAHU:
Merry Christmas, everyone. If you're into that sort of thing. If not, well then have a great weekend. Me, I'm super-duper looking forward to Christmas. It's gonna be awesome to see my little girl light up. She doesn't quite understand the whole unwrapping presents thing, but she's catching on. She loves toys, too...once she gets one out of the box, it doesn't take her very long to figure out how to use it, and she just goes to town. It's hilarious. Anyway, we'll have quite a bit of Christmas for the little girl over the course of this weekend. We're heading up to the in-laws' house tomorrow morning and staying there until Monday. From there, we head back to my grandparents' place for Christmas eve and stay until Christmas day. I'm so looking forward to seeing my family. I wish you all a very merry Christmas. Even that stupid ostrich.
Ahh, work. I'm sure that it's the same situation at workplaces all over the world, but there just isn't a lot to do on the last day before the Christmas holiday. We're closed Monday as well as Tuesday, so today is that day. The piped-in music here has been set to Christmas music for the last month or so. Now, Christmas music doesn't bother me all that much, but the crap that's force fed to us here is really really terrible. Also, there are no less than five versions of "Little Drummer Boy" that play (along with a couple other oft-repeated songs). This means that you hear that song at least five times a day.
One thing that holiday weeks like this are good for is Office Supply Art. T-Rav made a pretty awesome Pipe Cleaner Octopus over at his work, and after seeing a picture of it I knew that I had to quickly find some sort of defense against a monstrosity of that nature. Behold, for I have summoned CTHULAHU:
Merry Christmas, everyone. If you're into that sort of thing. If not, well then have a great weekend. Me, I'm super-duper looking forward to Christmas. It's gonna be awesome to see my little girl light up. She doesn't quite understand the whole unwrapping presents thing, but she's catching on. She loves toys, too...once she gets one out of the box, it doesn't take her very long to figure out how to use it, and she just goes to town. It's hilarious. Anyway, we'll have quite a bit of Christmas for the little girl over the course of this weekend. We're heading up to the in-laws' house tomorrow morning and staying there until Monday. From there, we head back to my grandparents' place for Christmas eve and stay until Christmas day. I'm so looking forward to seeing my family. I wish you all a very merry Christmas. Even that stupid ostrich.
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